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Mark Twain Quotes - Page 96

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Always obey your parents. When they are present. This is the best policy in the long run. Because if you don't, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do, and you can generally make more by

Always obey your parents. When they are present. This is the best policy in the long run. Because if you don't, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do, and you can generally make more by humoring that superstition than you can by acting on your own better judgment.

Mark Twain
Running, Thinking, Long
Mark Twain (2004). “Mark Twain’s Helpful Hints for Good Living: A Handbook for the Damned Human Race”, p.135, Univ of California Press

I said nothing of the sort.

Mark Twain
Said
Mark Twain, Gary Scharnhorst (2006). “Mark Twain: The Complete Interviews”, p.226, University of Alabama Press

All gods are better than their reputation.

Mark Twain
God, Novelists, Reputation

God puts something good and loveable in every man His hands create.

Mark Twain
God, Men, Hands

No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.

Mark Twain
God, Men, Done
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

The motto stated a lie. If this nation has ever trusted in God, that time has gone by; for nearly half a century almost its entire trust has been in the Republican party and the dollar--mainly the dollar. I recognize that I am only making an assertion and furnishing no proof; I am sorry, but this is a habit of mine; sorry also that I am not alone in it; everybody seems to have this disease.

Mark Twain
God, Sorry, Lying
Mark Twain (2016). “Mark Twain in Eruption (Abridged, Annotated)”, p.37, BIG BYTE BOOKS

More than once I have been humiliated by my resemblance to God the father; He is always longing for the love of His children and trying to get it on the cheapest and laziest terms He can invent.

Mark Twain
God, Children, Father

It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden

Mark Twain
God, Bears, Burden
Mark Twain, Harriet Elinor Smith (2012). “Autobiography of Mark Twain: Reader's Edition”, p.201, Univ of California Press

Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.

Mark Twain
Humor, Fragrance, Decoration
Mark Twain (2004). “The Portable Mark Twain”, p.13, Penguin

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

Mark Twain
Humorous, Animal, Plant
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.190, Courier Corporation

Nothing seems to please a fly so much as to be taken for a currant; and if it can be baked in a cake and palmed off on the unwary, it dies happy.

Mark Twain
Taken, Cake, Bugs
Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.54, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

Newport, Rhode Island, that breeding place-that stud farm, so to speak-of aristocracy; aristocracy of the American type.

Mark Twain
Rhode Island, Islands, Aristocracy
Mark Twain (2013). “Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 2: The Complete and Authoritative Edition”, p.418, Univ of California Press

From the dome of St. Peter's one can see every notable object in Rome... He can see a panorama that is varied, extensive, beautiful to the eye, and more illustrious in history than any other in Europe.

Mark Twain
Beautiful, Eye, Rome
Mark Twain (1871). “The Innocents Abroad; Or, The New Pilgrim's Progress ...”, p.155

When we do not know a person - and also when we do - we have to judge his size by the size and nature of his achievements, as compared with the achievements of others in his special line of business - there is no other way.

Mark Twain
Business, Judging, Achievement
Mark Twain, Paul Baender (1973). “What Is Man? and Other Philosophical Writings”, p.265, Univ of California Press

The minute we get reconciled to a person, how willing we are to throw aside little needless punctilios and pronounce his name right.

Mark Twain
Names, Littles, Minutes
Mark Twain (2016). “What Is Man? And Other Essays”, p.133, Xist Publishing

We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.

Mark Twain
Real, Names, Use
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.317, Courier Corporation

If it would not look too much like showing off, I would tell the reader where New Zealand is.

Mark Twain
Looks, Too Much, Reader
Mark Twain (2015). “Following the Equator: "A Journey Around the World"”, p.254, eKitap Projesi

It's so damned humiliating.

Mark Twain
History, Humiliating
Mark Twain, William Dean Howells, Albert Bigelow Paine (2014). “The Mark Twain Autobiography + 3 Biographies: 4 Mark Twain Biographies In 1 Book: Chapters From My Autobiography By Mark Twain + My Mark Twain By William Dean Howells’ + Mark Twain A Biography By Albert Bigelow Paine + The Boys’ Life Of Mark Twain By Albert Bigelow Paine”, p.305, e-artnow

It is discouraging to try to penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it out and dance on it. That would take some of the rigidity out of it.

Mark Twain
Wisdom, Mind, Trying
Mark Twain (2010). “Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 1: The Complete and Authoritative Edition”, p.177, Univ of California Press

Missionarying was a better thing in those days than it is in ours. All you had to do was to cure the head savage´s sick daughter by a miracle- a miracle like the miracle of Lourdes in our day, for instance- and immediately that head savage was your convert, and filled to the eyes with a new convert´s enthusiasm. You could sit down and make yourself easy now. He would take the ax and convert the rest of the nation himself.

Mark Twain
Daughter, Eye, Sick
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.276, Courier Corporation

It was the most earnest ambition I ever had....Not that I ever really wanted to be a preacher, but because it never occurred to me that a preacher could be damned. It looked like a safe job.

Mark Twain
Jobs, Ambition, Safe
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.369, Courier Corporation

I cannot see the short, white curls Upon the forehead of an Ox, But what I see them dripping with That poor thing's blood, and hear the ax; When I see calves and lambs, I see Them led to death; I see no bird Or rabbit cross the open field But what a sudden shot is heard; A shout that tells me men aim true, For death or wound, doth chill me through. W.H. Davies I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me.

Mark Twain
Animal, Men, Blood

I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with the blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.

Mark Twain
Blessed, Yesterday, Michael Angelo
Mark Twain (1869). “The Innocents Abroad: or, The New Pilgrims' Progress”, p.288

A man who carries a cat by the tail is getting experience that will always be helpful. He isn't likely to grow dim or doubtful. Chances are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either. But if he wants to, I say let him!

Mark Twain
Cat, Men, Want

A healthy and wholesome cheerfulness is not necessarily impossible to any occupation.

Mark Twain
Healthy, Occupation, Impossible
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.41, Courier Corporation

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