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That she was irreplaceable became a bittersweet loyalty: Her death was what I had now instead of her.

Gail Caldwell
Loyalty, Bittersweet, Irreplaceable
Gail Caldwell (2010). “Let's Take the Long Way Home: A Memoir of Friendship”, p.161, Random House
That she was irreplaceable became a bittersweet loyalty: Her death was what I had now instead of her.