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If I still lived in Russia, I'd be dead... or a really effective oligarch.

Gary Shteyngart
Russia, Stills, Ifs
"Gary Shteyngart: 'Humour is my multiple warhead delivery system'". Interview with Peter Conrad, www.theguardian.com. September 4, 2010.
If I still lived in Russia, I'd be dead... or a really effective oligarch.