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Alain de Botton Quotes about Lying

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At the heart of every frustration lies a basic structure: the collision of a wish with an unyielding reality.

At the heart of every frustration lies a basic structure: the collision of a wish with an unyielding reality.

Alain de Botton
Lying, Heart, Frustration
"The Consolations of Philosophy". Book by Alain de Botton, Chapter III, Consolation For Frustration, 2000.

To be loved by someone is to realize how much they share the same needs that lie at the heart of our own attraction to them. Albert Camus suggested that we fall in love with people because, from the outside, they look so whole, physically whole and emotionally 'together' - when subjectively we feel dispersed and confused. We would not love if there were no lack within us, but we are offended by the discovery of a similar lack in the other. Expecting to find the answer, we find only the duplicate of our own problem.

Alain de Botton
Falling In Love, Lying, Confused
Alain de Botton (2006). “On Love: A Novel”, p.48, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Perhaps because the origins of a certain kind of love lie in an impulse to escape ourselves and out weaknesses by an alliance with the beautiful and noble. But if the loved ones love us back, we are forced to return to ourselves, and are hence reminded of the things that had driven us into love in the first place. Perhaps it was not love we wanted after all, perhaps it was simply someone in whom to believe, but how can we continue to believe the the beloved now that they believe in us?

Alain de Botton
Beautiful, Lying, Believe

The inability to live in the present lies in the fear of leaving the sheltered position of anticipation or memory, and so of admitting that this is the only life that one is ever likely (heavenly intervention aside) to live.

Alain de Botton
Memories, Lying, Leaving
Alain de Botton (2006). “On Love: A Novel”, p.126, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

If cynicism and love lie at opposite ends of a spectrum, do we not sometimes fall in love in order to escape the debilitating cynicism to which we are prone? Is there not in every coup de foudre a certain willful exaggeration of the qualities of the beloved, an exaggeration which distracts us from our habitual pessimism and focuses our energies on someone in whom we can believe in a way we have never believed in ourselves?

Alain de Botton
Falling In Love, Lying, Believe
Alain de Botton (2015). “On Love: A Novel”, p.15, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Her lie was symptomatic of a certain pride she took in mocking the romantic, in being unsentimental, matter-of-fact, stoic; yet at heart she was the oppo site: idealistic, dreamy, giving, and deeply attached to everything she liked verbally to dismiss as "mushy.

Alain de Botton
Lying, Heart, Pride
Alain de Botton (2006). “On Love: A Novel”, p.42, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Year-end financial statements express a truth about office life which is no less irrefutable yet also, in the end, no less irrelevant or irritating than an evolutionary biologist's proud reminder that the purpose of existence lies in the propagation of our genes.

Alain de Botton
Lying, Years, Year End
"The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work". Book by Alain de Botton, 2009.

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