I think subconsciously you wanted to "fit in" to the TV and film world and unfortunately that meant being petite and skinny. The camera does add 10 pounds. It does affect your idea of normal. Essentially, though, my body-image issues weren't down to the industry alone. These were ideas I had from little events along the way of life.
I am way less attached to the number the more I weigh. You always think that if you weigh less and get to that magical number, you'll think less about your weight. But I in fact thought about that lower number more... wanting to stay close to it, fearing it getting higher. I would fret each week seeing it go up. The mission to stay lean was always harder than getting there.
People mistake self-love for thinking they must always like what they see in the mirror - and yes, of course, that is the goal; that all depends on perspective - but my argument is that you can still have self-love while wanting to make progress or improve things. The main issue is that we attach too much to an idea of what our perfect body may be or what self-love should be. But that's the issue. There is no right or wrong. We can love ourselves and feel bloated. We can love ourselves but feel uncomfortable in our skin. We are a work in progress and human and won't always feel amazing.
Loving ourselves is about acceptance, not always liking and feeling comfortable. In the same way I love my fiancé, I love him but don't always like his behavior. I don't always like what he says. But I accept him. I accept him because of these things. It doesn't mean I don't want our relationship to grow or progress. But I don't feel the need to change him. When I accept him for him, we grow naturally, and the same for our own self-love.
Trust that you often need to find happiness outside your comfort zone. The journey is a lifestyle choice. Focus on your mental health and your mind just as much as the physical, if not more. All the gym in the world won't help if you don't work on finding acceptance for your muffin top or chaffing thighs.
