Once you do embark upon the separation or divorce process, it is very important to remember three key things: Be kind, be reasonable, be brief. Remember that this person will no longer be your spouse, but he or she will continue to be your co-parent, family member and perhaps business partner in certain assets or entities.
There are all different kinds of ways to define a family, and we have to take that into consideration when practicing family law. The law, they say, is always the last thing to change.
Couples counseling gets many couples back together. But not all, and not always. For your own sake and that of your children, however, I recommend it - I almost insist on it - as the first step for anyone unhappy in a relationship.
Whether you like it or not, the definition of family has changed. We have same-sex marriages now. We have more people who live together and have children even if they're not married. We have so many different definitions of family. I've got clients who have brothers and sisters living with them in the house, helping them raise their kids. It's a much wider definition now.
In my first meeting with somebody, I kind of say, "What are your expectations?" And there are some people who say, "I just want to be fair," so then we have to qualify what that means. But when somebody comes in and says, "I just want to nail him. I just want to exact as much punishment as I possibly can." Well, that might be a case where I say, "We may not be the right firm for you."
I think people should be allowed to do what they want to do. I think that it doesn't make sense for a certain class to be able to get married and be treated differently when others are not. But I don't equate polygamy with same-sex marriages - and I know you don't either. Polygamy is a different story because it has different class differentiations in it.
I think the involvement of the state is the reason why I don't want to have a formalized wedding, and what I've seen makes me very aware of issues that people will go through prior to, during, and at the end of a marriage.
I think that people might watch reality television or what they see played out on media outlets and get ideas. We might be more anesthetized to divorce or bad behavior now because of what we see on television or on postings on TMZ. So it definitely could be filtering in to how we conduct ourselves.
I do think that it's important to understand what each person has coming into the relationship, and what each person expects from the relationship. I find it so interesting that so many people rush into the commitment of marriage, which is a legal contract, without knowing anything about what the expectations of the other person are, and they've not explained or articulated their expectations of the other person.
I see prenuptial agreements as a positive - not only from a professional standpoint, but from a personal one as well. I think it is really important that people at least have some potentially difficult discussions about what their expectations are - and not just financially - prior to getting married. It should really even happen prior to people living together or casting their lot together.
You have to have an open mind about what you're getting into when you cast your lot with another human being - whether you're signing a lease together, buying a house together, walking down the aisle together, or having kids together.
You live with someone, you make a commitment to honor them, respect them, and love them, and if you're going to have children, then you make a commitment to raise those children together. Why does the state have to get involved with that?
Do I believe in coupling? Do I believe in commitment? Do I believe in co-parenting, raising children together, having a family, and growing old with someone? I absolutely believe in all of those things. I just don't believe that you need to be married to do that.
My personal feelings on marriage? Samuel Johnson once said that second marriages - although I could probably say this about any marriage - are about the triumph of hope over experience. I think that's true. I don't know that human beings were meant to mate for life or be monogamous. But, for me, the aspect of marriage that is troubling is that it's a contract that is governed by the state, and I don't want the state to have control over my personal affairs.
Many states favor joint custody.
I represent celebrities, but I am not a celebrity.
Evening bags should be just big enough for my phone, lipstick, house key, and credit card.
