Just because my personal life may not be in shambles any more it doesn't mean anything has been solved. A ring doesn't solve problems. I think I'm still having dark visions. I think I'm just a little bit fatalistic. There is a personality flaw at work perhaps.
I was always an emotional, tearful kid. As a child I was really focussed on my fine art - I took it very seriously. I really wanted to be a master painter. I didn't think I'd ever become a musician because I was so shy.
I do find it easy to write songs about heartbreak; it comes really naturally to me. It was a little bit more difficult for me to break my mould and tackle different subjects. You know what it's like because you're a writer. You don't want to tread on the same territory. Writing about the personal stuff was a little difficult because I'd worry about who would read it and who would be offended by it.
I think that female musicians are constantly fighting an uphill battle in general. Even when I'm not writing heartbreak songs... the fact that songwriting is so difficult and music criticism has become so content driven means that sometimes critics can go for the easy descriptors rather than an in-depth analysis.
For the first records I really never thought about anything other than the song itself. I thought that this was what the job of a songwriter was. I was really approaching music from a very different standpoint. To me when I was younger the song was just the melody. I think as I've gotten older and have been recording myself I've become aware of just how many layers can exist within a song besides just the main vocal.
I identify first and foremost as a fine artist. Even the way that I put words together; this could be called painterly and the combinations don't always make sense. I think there are a lot of people who are fine artists and musicians also. I think it's a common thread, the way the brain words.
I started drinking in my late teen years and continued through college and into the early years of my career. I had a lot of missed opportunities because of not being able to handle my liquor, things like bad shows. But mostly what precipitated it was how it was contributing to my mental health breaking down. Alcohol and depression don't mix very well as I'm sure you know, it makes everything worse. I hit a point where I knew that if I kept drinking it wouldn't go very well.
I think when you're drinking you don't have the clarity to think about things. It's not easy to talk about obviously but I think quitting drinking was one of the most important decisions I've ever made for myself. It's not easy, especially when I'm touring and everyone is partying and I'm backstage playing Scrabble or drawing in my notebook because I'm a total nerd now.
