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Melvin Helitzer Quotes

If the audience knows what's behind the door and the actor does not, that's comedy. If both the audience and the actor do not know, that's mystery!

If the audience knows what's behind the door and the actor does not, that's comedy. If both the audience and the actor do not know, that's mystery!

Melvin Helitzer
Doors, Doe, Actors

Enjoy how sweet, how thoughtful, how kind I'm being on your birthday. Because tomorrow it's back to the same old crap.

Melvin Helitzer
Sweet, Thoughtful, Tomorrow

I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm, talent, and wit. Unfortunately, he couldn't be here tonight, so instead . . .

Melvin Helitzer
Men, Tonight, Talent
Melvin Helitzer (1992). “Comedy Writing Secrets”, Writers Digest Books

A famous actor, Edmund Kean, on his deathbed, was reported to have said, "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard."

Melvin Helitzer
Dying, Actors, Comedy
Melvin Helitzer (1992). “Comedy Writing Secrets”, Writers Digest Books

I have a serious investment problem. I have no money.

Melvin Helitzer
Serious, Problem, Investment
Melvin Helitzer (1992). “Comedy Writing Secrets”, Writers Digest Books

I sort of feel like Cindy Crawford's new husband on their wedding night. I know what's expected of me. I'm just not sure I've got the ability to make it interesting.

Melvin Helitzer
Husband, Night, Interesting

One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today, but you will be a great deal older.

Melvin Helitzer
Guarantees, May, Today
Melvin Helitzer (1992). “The Dream Job: Sports Publicity, Promotion, and Public Relations”, Univ Sports Press

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