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Scott Dikkers Quotes

Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.

Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.

Scott Dikkers
Relationship, Romance, Chance
Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.135, Andrews McMeel Publishing

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.

Scott Dikkers
Atheist, Lying, Believe
Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.170, Andrews McMeel Publishing

Dear God, I understand that if I fail to believe in you, I'll burn in hell for eternity. Thanks for being such a good sport about it.

Scott Dikkers
Sports, Believe, Thanks

A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends.

Scott Dikkers
Atheist, True Friend, Atheism
Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.69, Andrews McMeel Publishing

If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.

Scott Dikkers
Boss, Levels, Safe

Your pet is not your friend. It is your hostage.

Scott Dikkers
Pet, Hostage
Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.189, Andrews McMeel Publishing

You have sexual tendencies that are not normal, and you should be ashamed of them.

Scott Dikkers
Normal, Should, Tendencies
Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.152, Andrews McMeel Publishing

I respect your right to hold your religious beliefs, and if they help you, I think that's great. I would, however, like to inform you that you are a raving kook.

Scott Dikkers
Religious, Thinking, Helping
Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.257, Andrews McMeel Publishing

That special bond you think you have with your pet is imaginary. As long as it has food and water, you could get hit by a train tomorrow, and your pet wouldn't think anything of it.

Scott Dikkers
Animal, Thinking, Long
Scott Dikkers (2009). “You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day”, p.201, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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