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  4. Thomas Beecham
  5. Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of...

Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.

Thomas Beecham
Giving, Musical, Scratches
To a cellist; attributed, no source found
Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.