If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.
I'm in awe of comedians that do things that I can't do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be - hell, Carrot Top. I can't be Carrot Top. I can't.
I admire ventriloquists, because I can't do that. I mean, I might get mistaken for a ventriloquist dummy every now and then, but I can't do what they do.
I found out if you're a funny guy, a lot of people like you.
When you talk about modern comedy I think there's a big three right now, and that's Louis C.K., Bill Burr, and Jim Jefferies. I don't think anyone's doing it better than those three guys.
I'm in awe of comics that do things that I can't do, or haven't tried doing yet.
I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That's the constant. That's the thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.
In every other aspect of their life, we have entertainment that is crafted almost to an individual. So they expect that from stand-up as well.
If I do talk politics it's very surface, it's not in-depth.
Yeah, people do need to realize that just because they've seen me perform for an hour does not mean that we are now close.
I'm constantly watching satirical news programs, and just - I never want to be in a situation where someone could yell out a topic and I will have absolutely no opinion on it whatsoever, or just not even know it exists.
There is often times when I'm in a bar or after a show, and a woman just grabs my head and shoves it into her cleavage, or grabs my ass, or something like that which - don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining, but it's just interesting. It's just interesting that that occurs.
I'm such a damn workaholic, that it's interesting to be like, "Oh, what do I do for fun?"
