Ted Alexandro Quotes

I often think about my future wife and how lax she's been about getting in touch with me.

Some people say homosexuality is a sin. It’s not. God is perfectly cool with it, God feels the exact same way about homosexuality that God feels about heterosexuality. Now you might say, ‘Whoa, slow down. You move too fast. How could you have the audacity, the temerity, to speak on behalf of God?’ Exactly, that’s an excellent point and I pray that you remember it.

I'm just looking for a little mystery in life... like things you can't explain. Like, you go to Mexico, they tell you don't drink the water. You go to any diner here, who brings you the water? It's a mystery.

Sometimes it's fun to explore ideas that might make people uncomfortable. If you let it, there's a lot of self-censoring that can go on in the name of remaining likeable, but I don't find that an artistically interesting path to take.

I belong to a gym now... well, let me rephrase that: I don't belong there at all, but I go.

I have a lot of friends who are getting married. I try to avoid talking to them about their sex lives now 'cause it's so depressing. One guy told me it had been six months since he had gotten to second base with his wife. Yeah, I don't know which one was more pathetic: that he used the phrase 'second base' or that he hadn't been there in six months?

I'm keeping in shape, you know, gotta look good for the ladies - and certain guys. Hey, I can't control who's looking. I just gotta bring the heat.

Comedians are thinkers. The best ones are akin to philosophers, in my opinion.

You'll get them tomorrow. You gave it a good shot. Keep your chin up.

I'll sit down for an hour or two a few days a week in a quiet place and brainstorm. The earlier in the day, the better, before the parade of distractions starts.

I don't know that I have a single comedy philosophy. But talking about things that matter to you is a good place to start. Listening is a big part of it, too.

People don't come to a comedy club simply to hear someone's thoughts, no matter how profound.

I think the more you hone your voice, take risks and talk about things that matter, the better chance you have of getting into the realm of the philosophers of stand up. But you have to be funny.

Not that that's the goal, but sometimes these funny insights can also be deeply profound.

If you're funny, you can find a stage to get on. If you're good, you'll start to get work and eventually get paid.

Inherent in mourning is celebration. Mourning without celebration or some form of acceptance leaves you stuck.

In terms of my own work ethic, I've always been a determined person. When I'm focused on something, I try to see it through.

Hard work is a muscle that you develop, as is taking risks.

Louis CK went from a writer/comedian to winning Emmys for his own show because he works his ass off.

Chris Rock went from a guy whose name you knew from SNL to a legendary comedian by working his ass off.

Comedy takes all of life and puts it through a lens of acceptance, just by the mere act of talking about it on stage in a communal setting. It's very primal and ritualistic in that sense.

Dave Chappelle is about as gifted as it gets, as a performer and comedian. [...] It's always great to watch him work. He started around fourteen and he's in his forties now, so he's probably been doing it for close to thirty years. He's brilliant.

I think there comes a time in any comedian's career where they can either coast or keep growing and evolving.

With a project like 'Teachers Lounge,' you're wearing a lot of hats, so it demands hard work and focus if you want to do it right.

I don't think comics necessarily think in literary terms. There is an element of developing your stage persona and your comedic voice, but I don't think comics see it like a character in a novel.