American acculturation is a very powerful form of brainwashing. I know more about it now, but it's very difficult to move away from a world that you've been told was the greatest country on earth.
I was always worried about the dishonesty and meretriciousness that often accompanies ego. So I tried to make the memoir as factual and accurate and as unemotional as I could, and let readers make their own judgments on what happened. And, in fact, that's how I write poetry. I'm trying to present the reader with the experience itself, not with my commentary on it. So I adopted a style that I'd hoped would let me accomplish that.
The experience taught me that the essence of a Cambridge education centers on two questions: What does it mean? How do you know?
When I left law school, I wanted to go into the government, into the tax policy area. I got the job that I wanted in the International Tax Council's office in Treasury. I arrived determined to change the world. But I discovered very quickly that the world couldn't care less. And I couldn't stomach the lying and stealing that I witnessed. I realized that the only difference between my mother's family and the senators and administrators that I was working with was that the latter wore suits and ties.
I'm an old man, and I want to lay out what I think I understand. With poems like "Traitor," I'm examining my feelings, my convictions, my understanding of the world, and testing whether they're really true. So that when you hang your holster up, you can make a judgment on whether you have any integrity at all. That's what I care about. That's why I wrote it. If I can't write that poem, then I've got it wrong somehow.
