If I only ran when nothing hurt, I would never run.
A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'
You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.
I have no regrets. I wanted to raise the kids and be a present father. When I developed a movie, I was gone for a year. That didn't really work for me. That isn't fair to make these life-forms and then disappear.
The two things that can hurt you are if you need money or if you need fame. Those are the things that can be your Achilles' heel. But if you don't need money and you don't need fame, then you're free.
If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!
I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.
Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star.
I had auditioned for 'Saturday Night Live' two or three times before and never really saw myself there. I looked up to Belushi and Bill Murray and Aykroyd and I never saw myself as in their world.
It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.
I enjoy pushing my characters to the limit. No matter how far out there I go, I look for things that make the characters human.
I always tend to think of all of my shows as possibly my last show. I'm like a junior Springsteen, without the underbite.
I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.
I think ABC sort of hoped I would be really like Carol Burnett. I mean literally, I think.
I'm a friend of the CEO of Twitter and he showed me how to be on it, but it causes such an uproar if what you post is perceived in a negative light.
I don't find biology as interesting as politics and humanism. I talk more about existential stuff.
You know ladies and gentlemen, a long time ago , there were lots of people, but that was a long time ago
My Obama is getting pretty good ... I think I'll vote for whoever makes my portrayal easier. It takes time to put together a comic impression. It takes time to recognize the tics. Right now, for instance, I could do a dead- on Paul Ryan and people wouldn't recognize it. Personalities take a while to sin.
I have this dream life where I get to be a celebrity but I get to kind of navigate the world fairly easily because I'm always in character.
I used to sneak up to the 8th floor and watch Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo rehearsing 'Saturday Night Live' and could only wonder if I would ever have the chance to be funny. It took me five years to go up the two stories, but it is such a sense of fulfillment to be able to show what I can do on national television.
Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!
My characters all start with rhythms and sounds. Once I hear the voice and get into the rhythm, the attitude and the physicality just come out on their own.
I really enjoy being a dad, and maybe I took it too seriously, but I love being around my kids.
I've never really worked on them. Just once in a while one hits me and makes me laugh. My Al Gore was sort of like a gay Gomer Pyle.
When people come to see my stand-up, they get a chance to see my characters interact with each other.
