Jeff Lindsay Quotes

I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.

Anybody can be charming if they don't mind faking it, saying all the stupid, obvious, nauseating things that a conscience keeps most people from saying. Happily, I don't have a conscience. I say them.

No big deal. We all have blood in us, the trick is keeping it inside.

Nothing in life is fair. Fair is a dirty word and I'll thank you not to use that language around me.

I don't do my job to catch the bad guys. Why would I want to do that? No, I do my job to make order out of chaos.

Weren't we all crazy in our sleep? What was sleep, after all, but the process by which we dumped our insanity into a dark subconscious pit and came out on the other side ready to eat cereal instead of our neighbor's children?

I did not like this feeling of having feelings.

I thought about the nice clothes that I always wore. Well of course I did. I took pride in being the best dressed monster in Dade County.

...she opened the door very slowly and carefully, half hiding behind it, as if badly frightened of what might be waiting for her on the other side. And considering that it was me waiting, this showed rare common sense.

It was almost enough to make me feel emotion.

It was clear to me that it wouldn't matter what I did - they would never truly appreciate me or learn what I had to offer. They were far beyond fickle - they were insensible, like kittens,predatory little things, distracted by the first bit of string or shiny bauble that rolled across the floor, and nothing I could ever say or do could possibly make any kind of dent in their willful ignorance.

Really now: If you can't get me my newspaper on time, how can you expect me to refrain from killing people?

It was such an unexpected and genuine smile that if I only had a soul I'm sure I would have felt quite guilty.

Life's only obligation, afterall, was to be interesting.

IN MY LIFELONG STUDY OF HUMAN BEINGS, I HAVE FOUND that no matter how hard they might try, they have found no way yet to prevent the arrival of Monday morning. And they do try, of course, but Monday always comes, and all the drones have to scuttle back to their dreary workaday lives of meaningless toil and suffering.

I often find myself in situations where it seems to me like everyone else has read the instruction book

But as I have noticed on more than one occaision, life itself is unfair, and there is no complaint department, so we might as well accept things the way they happen, clean up the mess, and move on.

I'm quite sure more people fake an awful lot of everyday human contact. I just fake all of it." --Dexter

Have you noticed how difficult it is just to get along in the world? If you're no good at all in your job, people treat you badly and eventually you will be unemployed. And if you're a little better than competent, everyone expects miracles from you, every single time. Like most of life, it's a no-win situation. And if you dare to mention it, no matter how creatively you phrase your complaints, you are shunned as a whiner.

We can't always do what we think we have to do. So when there's nothing else you can do, you wait... No matter what... pressure... you might feel.

She really did like me, the idiot.

Now I know what it is like to feel like a total idiot.

...being torn apart by far too many loyalties that could not possibly live together in the same brain.

Money to me had always been merely something the sheep used to show each other how wonderful they were.

And once again I found myself wondering, as I drifted off to stunned and unbelieving sleep:How do these terrible things always happen to me?