Jeremy Clarkson Quotes

Sometimes I stagger even myself with my genius.

Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Multi-tasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously.

It’s what non-car people don’t get. They see all cars as just a ton and a half, two tons of wires, glass, metal, and rubber, and that’s all they see. People like you or I know we have an unshakable belief that cars are living entities… You can develop a relationship with a car and that’s what non-car people don’t get… When something has foibles and won’t handle properly, that gives it a particularly human quality because it makes mistakes, and that’s how you can build a relationship with a car that other people won’t get.

Being smarter than you look is better than looking smarter than you are.

I started to realise that being impolite saves an awful lot of time and costs you nothing.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Speed focuses the mind. It cuts through the fog of drab everyday living and keeps us on our toes. Speed works. Speed saves lives. Speed is good. And we should have more of it, not less.

Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don't, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

You're a car, but most of all, what you are, what you've become, is a mate. And that's what makes a car special. That's what makes a car great. You start to think of it as a person. You start to love it.

This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”

Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the Ebola virus and you're about to sneeze.

The "public" seems to have bought into this belief that life can, and should, be run without risk, that all accidents are avoidable, and that death is something that only happens to people who eat meat and smoke.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite

Looking good in Italy is even more important than looking where you're going.

The problem is that television executives have got it into their heads that if one presenter on a show is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed heterosexual boy, the other must be a black Muslim lesbian.

Cows eat grass and silage. This is melting the ice caps and killing us all. So they need a new foodstuff: something that is rich in iron, calcium and natural goodness. Plainly they cannot eat meat so here is an idea to chew on. Why not feed them vegetarians?

I'm a horse of a man!

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!

There are shantytowns in South Africa that are built better than Renaults!