There's not enough silliness in the world. Eurovision helps to keep it balanced.
Television contracts the imagination and radio expands it.
Who knows what hellish future lies ahead? ... Actually, I do. I've seen the rehearsals.
Don't start drinking before the fifth song.
I don't make the mistake of thinking it's a major musical event. I love the Eurovision Song Contest and it will continue long after I'm gone. Just please don't ask me to take it seriously.
Jamie Oliver's lunch is soup, half a papaya with lime, ciabatta with mozzarella and prosciutto. The dear boy is not sharing the same planet as the rest of us. Is this lunacy supposed to be a practical suggestion for a harassed housewife trying to drag her children off to school?
People who are successful should never forget that its 90 per cent luck. Youve got to be an eejit to be an egomaniac. I had my glory years - Blankety Blank, the talk show, when I was winning every award going.
Sadly, I cant avoid being 75. Like many people of my age, we are all heading towards the grim reaper, and I am clinging on. I just to have to sharpen my fingernails a little so that I can hang on for longer!
But they're laughing at you. They're not laughing with you.
Worried about a skin condition? Leap smartly into a bath of porridge.
I suppose I should make a little apology to Cyndi - although I'm not taking the blame for this - because I was the one who did say Cyndi had won.
The culture now in television is that the presenter calls the financial and, increasingly, the creative shots. It is comparable to what happened in Hollywood 15 or so years ago.
