Not many people have had as much bad luck as I have, but not many people have had as much good luck, either.
It's not the child's responsibility to teach the parent who they are. It's the parent's responsibility to learn who the child is.
Life can very genuinely and realistically pile things on. It doesn't dole out the heartache and pain, or joy, perfectly.
I think every person and place is interesting, and there's an interesting story behind every door.
I really wanted to, but I just didn't understand how people became comedians. I kind of thought it was something you were born into. And so I wanted to be a veterinarian or an architect. I wanted to be in a band, and for some reason I could understand how you could be in a band because I had guitars and all my friends played music. Comedy was a secret want, but it wasn't anything I pursued.
Everything's happened to me. Nothing can happen to me now.
I'm the luckiest unlucky person.
The ideal length of time for sex to last is the entire relationship, breaking only for snacks.
I start crying when certain things come up, certain memories, certain feelings, and it's intense. But I think it's good for me - and therapeutic.
I didn't just want to be the one who was always looking around at the weird family members. I wanted to make my mistakes.
When anything huge happens to me, I always think, this isn't my moment, this is a moment.
I hold back parts of my life and experiences... I don't want to share anything just for the sake of sharing and exposing myself, but if something feels right and I feel inspired by the situations or moment I'll definitely share it. There are so many stories and experiences I have not shared, and I don't feel compelled to.
I'm now a pretty good mix of my mother and my stepfather because I'm in general pretty mellow. I'm not hyper-emotional. But there's also this side of me - my mother was an artist and very funny and a dancer and very wild and into fashion. My stepfather traveled a lot, and I kind of took on a role of parenting my mother a lot of times, because she was pretty hard to handle. A bit of a pistol.
As soon as I say I'm from Texas people say, "Oh, I'm sure the school was horrible" and they picture me wearing some barrel and suspenders and people are bucktoothed and ignoring me. But that's not the case. I just had zero interest. I wanted to finish my research in the woods or play guitar or go have a cigarette.
I love devastating movies, documentaries and hummingbirds (yes, in that order).
My age makes all my wrinkles and gray hair make sense.
When I couldn't get ahold of cigarettes, I'd roll coffee grounds into typing paper and smoke that and then vomit.
I was really into music. I started playing guitar also when I was nine. I wanted to be in the Beatles, even though John Lennon died the year I got a guitar and the Beatles broke up before I was born.
It was a free-for-all with music when I was growing up. My mother was a huge music fanatic so I was listening to everything from country to heavy metal to Indigo Girls to Elton John. I guess when I was really young I didn't like Willie Nelson, and she obviously loved him. Now I do too, I'm so thankful to her for playing his music nonstop.
I love drama - I would say more than I even love comedy - but I like in One Mississippi that I can go from a very moving moment to a Willy Wonka tube up my ass. I like the silliness as much as I like drama.
I was talking and playing pranks and skipping school, failing pretty much every class I took.
I'm always going to do whatever I think is funniest. If something's dark, I'll do it. If it's a sock puppet, if it's a stool, I'll do it.
When I announced I had cancer on stage, it was my brain leaping to that insane moment of, "There's no way I could start a show saying, 'Hi, I have cancer!'" And also for me to have these scars, and then think, "Oh my gosh, what if I did stand-up and not even acknowledge that my shirt was off, or that I have scars.
I can't believe I'm breathing and happy and thriving.
In chaotic situations, I feel like I can take a breath and look around and assess the situation and see the big picture. Going through the traumatic time that I did in my life, that's also given me even more of a breather in life to just be like, "I know everything's going to be fine. Even if this is the worst show in the world, no matter what happens, everything's going to be fine." It's an accumulation of things.
