When a child or adolescent is troubled, the most important thing for the parent to focus on may very well be their relationship with their child or adolescent. Parents need to do whatever they can to make sure the relationship is strong.
I always thought if you really want to be a good actor, you've got to be able to fart in public. That, to me, is the most important. If you are so inhibited that you can't fart, I don't mean around your friends, I mean just a fart, out loud somewhere. I don't mean the 'silent creeper', everybody does that. I mean fart out loud! Just that you can do it and not be afraid of it. Humility is very important.
Parents typically don't talk to each other about their goals and attitudes to parenting but this type of conversation could be very useful for helping parents become clearer about the things that are important to them.
I can’t even take a stroll through a park. As soon as women see my face they start gathering up their children and running for home.
One of the most important goals to have may well be the goal to create the life you want without preventing other people from creating the life they want.
One of the premises of parenting might be that the job of parents is to teach their kids to get along without them.
Any statements from the parents may seem like criticism or judgment by the child or adolescent. It's very important that the child or adolescent does most of the talking and the parent asks questions curiously to understand the perspective of the child or adolescent.
Spending time with the child or adolescent in mutually enjoyable activities on a regular basis will help to build warmth and trust.
Seeking the counsel of trusted and respected health professionals can also be helpful in providing parents with some balance for their concerns as well as other avenues of support.
Once parents have a clear idea of their important parenting goals, beliefs, and values, they can then think about specific situations and identify the outcomes they would like to achieve in these situations. How can you be the parent you want to be whether or not your children are behaving as you would prefer?
Prioritizing listening to their child or adolescent is extremely important. It can be very hard to listen to someone who is upset or troubled without offering advice or suggestions or otherwise telling him or her what to do.
People need to feel safe to talk without their ideas being criticized, judged, demeaned, or mocked.
Demonstrating faith and optimism in the child or adolescent's ability to work things out in their own time and in their own way can be very difficult but it is possible to do this while also offering assistance.
Sometimes offering support and making yourself available when the child or adolescent is ready to talk can be the most helpful you can be.
There is no one best way for parents to become the parents they want to be just as there is no one best way for a child to grow into a contented and contributing member of society.
In order to be effective decision makers and to live satisfying and contented lives, people need to be aware of their goals, desires, and purposes and need to be able to evaluate or assess the extent to which they are heading in the direction specified by their inner standards.
I consider parenting skills, those skills that help children: (1) develop clear and important goals; and (2) figure out flexible and persistent ways of achieving their goals.
Attitudes of optimism, of "let them be", and of joy in watching and helping another life develop and blossom will help parents relish their parenting role and will provide the resilience necessary to navigate turbulent times.
Somewhat paradoxically, parenting programs should focus on the behavior of the parents not the behavior of the children.
A parenting program should focus on parent's attitudes to themselves, their children, and the relationships they are building with their children.
A parenting program should provide time for parents to clarify their own ideas about what it means to be an effective and successful parent.
Parents should be able to develop goals about the type of parents they want to be.
The best way for parents to go about acquiring a mind-set of self-reflective parenting will be different for different individuals. Some people will find that they are already very close to being the parent they are striving to be. Other people will find reading books or blog articles to be very helpful and some other people might benefit most by engaging in discussions on the internet.
Accessing a "professional listener" such as a psychologist or counselor can be useful if the loved one wants to use this form of support.
