Communication Quotes - Page 60

Upset? Ask yourself what this person does that is a trigger for judging them?

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

Getting in touch with unmet needs is important to the healing process.

Unless we as social change agents come from a certain spirituality, we're likely to create more harm than good.

Once you have access to key people in an organization, if you go into a meeting with enemy images of those people - then you are not going to connect.

You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words "because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word "think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard, but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction.

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret.

NVC is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions.

We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves.

Anger can be a wonderful wake up call to help you understand what you need and what you value.

How I choose to look at any situation will greatly affect whether I have the power to change it or make matters worse.

Enemy images are the main reason conflicts don't get resolved.

When we are angry, killing people is too superficial.

When I recognize I've got anger, then I realize it's because I have a need that's not being met.

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them.

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren't seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I'm suggesting, you'll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously.

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately, it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language of demands.

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need.

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people. It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental appointment.

Two things distinguish nonviolent actions from violent actions. First, you don't see an enemy and second, your intention is not to make the other side suffer.

Nonviolent Communication shows us a way of being very honest, but without any criticism, without any insults, without any put-downs, without any intellectual diagnosis implying wrongness.

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy.

Don't get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand.

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions.