Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.
Whenever you're pissed off, just remember that it's better than being pissed on.
Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.
Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.
No problem is so big and difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.
God bless America. But God, please help Canada.
Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.
If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.
We are brought into this world cold, weak, and helpless. Then it gets worse.
The government favors the most diplomatic language. That's why any letter to them should always start with, "Dear turkeys and foul maggots..."
Born free. Taxed to death.
