In Texas a high school student was arrested for bringing what authorities thought was a bomb to school but turned out to be a clock. Now the kid is in bigger trouble for carrying a device that could bring Texas into the future.
People are mad a Donald Trump for allegedly making a joke about Megyn Kelly having her period. Trump said, 'Trust me, I know what goes on down there, because I'm a huge douche.'
The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.'
Trump Entertainment Resorts declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Or as Donald Trump describes Chapter 11, "Back-to-back number ones!"
Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is connected to the rhythm of music. They’re both about creating tension and knowing when to let it go. I’m always surprised when somebody funny is not musical.
Rick Perry dropped out of the presidential race. When asked what went wrong, Perry said, I guess America is not ready to elect a dumb guy from Texas. But in time.
A comic book publisher says he's trying to increase voter turnout in the presidential election by publishing comic books about John McCain and Barack Obama. Yeah, the publisher said that the election comic books are targeted at first-time voters and long-time virgins.
Breast feeding activists plan to descend on Washington for a public breast feeding demonstration. Also descending on Washington, thousands of men saying, 'What? I'm looking at the baby.'
The Chinese government launched China's first 24-hour news channel. And since the channel will only report stories that are favorable to the ruling party, they've decided to call it Fox News.
It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.
After Donald Trump's derogatory comments about immigrants, NBC has officially cancelled Celebrity Apprentice. Think about it: Donald Trump isn't even president yet, and he's already made America a better place!
Egypt has responded to hundreds of thousands of protesters by shutting down the Internet. Just a word of advice: If you want people to stay at home and do nothing, you should turn the Internet back on.
Representative Chris Lee was forced to resign after sending a shirtless picture of himself to a woman on Craigslist. On the bright side, he DID surprise his wife for Valentines Day.
President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha's basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she did was drive straight down the center and piss everyone off.
The Senate has sent President Obama a spending bill that gives the government enough money to keep going for two weeks. Our Congress has the financial planning skills of a college sophomore.
Today, possible presidential candidate Donald Trump released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as blue and his hair as ridiculous.
Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Yeah, the first chapter talks about how you shouldn't chop down trees to make a book that no one will read.
Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq
Real life is about reacting quickly to the opportunity at hand, not the opportunity you envisioned. Not thinking and scheming for the future, but letting it happen.
Lenscrafters is upset with Tea Partier Michele Bachmann because she called Planned Parenthood 'the Lenscrafters of abortion.' Lenscrafters released a statement today calling her 'the Costco of crazy.'
The hockey lockout of 1994 - 1995 has been settled. They have stopped bickering... and can now get down to some serious bloodshed!
Herman Cain compared his run for president to Moses leading his people out of Egypt. Cain said it took Moses 40 years to lead his people out of Egypt, but he could do it in 30 minutes or less.
Taco Bell is going to start selling nachos and chicken nuggets wrapped in a tortilla. In other words, thank God we're going to keep Obamacare.
This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.
California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up.
