The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.
Fancy Restaurant: one that serves cold soup on purpose.
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
There's nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in humanity.
Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.
An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
A perfect example of the power of prayer is when a blizzard closes the schools on the day of a big exam.
The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older.
Setting a good example for your children does nothing but increase their embarrassment.
Democracy is a system that gives people a chance to elect rascals of their own choice.
Achieving it is not only the chief means of adding to your regular duties.
