Garrison Keillor Quotes - Page 2

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy.

A child can educate just about anybody.

... life itself is brief, and that is what charges the day with such ridiculous beauty.

In the end, all solutions are temporary.

Some people think it is difficult to be a Christian and to laugh, but I think it's the other way around. God writes a lot of comedy, its just that he has so many bad actors.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining.

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

The relationship between truth and a newspaper is like the relationship between the color green and the number seven. Occasionally you will see the number seven written in green, but you learn not to expect this.

A person cannot coast along in old destructive habits year after year and accept whatever comes along. A person must stand up on her own two legs and walk. Get off the bus and go get on another. Climb out of the ditch and cross the road. Find the road that s where you want to go. ... The only sermon that counts is the one that is formed by our actions. She would quit drinking and thereby show Kyle life is what you make it. A person can grab hold of her life and change things for the better. This happens all the time. We are not chips of wood drifting down the stream of time. We have oars.

Love has the power to rescue us and not let go, otherwise it isn't love

I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.

Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see, say, thirty cans of tomato sauce and a five-pound bag of rice, I get a little thrill of well-being - much more so than if I take a look at the quarterly dividend report from my mutual fund.

We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.

Growing up in a place that has winter, you learn to avoid self-pity. Winter is not a personal experience, everybody else is just as cold as you, so you shouldn't complain about it too much. You learn this as a kid, coming home crying from the cold, and Mother looks down and says, 'It's only a little frostbite. You're okay.' And thus you learn to be okay. What's done is done. Get over it. Drink your coffee. It's not the best you'll ever get but it's good enough.

The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, 'Daddy, I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.

English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.

Life is continuous. Life never stops. We come to the really great questions and before we can answer them, life has moved on to something else.

The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think of the damage they would do if they were at the job instead, you can see why golf courses are a wise investment for any municipality.

The fundamental religion of most of mankind is the faith that God has revealed Himself to us and not to the barbarians. Our tribe is the one God chose and so if we vanquish the other tribes and rain fire and destruction on them, we're only carrying out God's Will.