Jean Kerr Quotes

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it.

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

If you can keep your head when all about are losing theirs, it's just possible that you haven't grasped the situation.

I'm not so sure it's so civilized to be civilized all the time.

I will read anything rather than work.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

People only call you 'my dear' when they are irritated with you.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Children are different - mentally, physically, spiritually, quantitatively, qualitatively; and furthermore, they're all a little bit nuts.

To me having a party is something like having a baby. The fact that you got through the last one alive is not somehow sufficiently reassuring now.

Don't be silly. I'm a mature, intelligent woman. Of course I'm afraid of my mother.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

Confronted by an absolutely infuriating review, it is sometimes helpful for the victim to do a little personal research on the critic. Is there any truth to the rumor that he had no formal education beyond the age of eleven? In any event, is he able to construct a simple English sentence? Do his participles dangle? When moved to lyricism, does he write "I had a fun time"? Was he ever arrested for burglary? I don't know that you will prove anything this way, but it is perfectly harmless and quite soothing.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

I once truly believed that if I had to stand in line for twenty minutes to have a package gift-wrapped it actually gave the recipient more pleasure.

There is this to be said about having money. You get rejected by a higher class of people.