Jenny Eclair Quotes - Page 2

Well, I'm not good with sliminess. I hate the thought of creatures that have slime on them or creatures that leave a slimy trail. At home, the sight of a slug can bring up my breakfast.

The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.

The only way to go on holiday is with your expectations at ground level. Convince yourself before you go that the weather's going to be dreadful and there will be nylon sheets. You'll then be pleasantly surprised.

People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry.

Women are more emotional, and it's natural to talk about it.

As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.

I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.

I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.

If I do go to the beach there have to be certain rules: it can't be a pebbly beach, there has to be some shade and there has to be a beach bar. I don't want to go off the beaten track.

I think my siblings sometimes have to defend me within their social circles - they are both barristers.

I think as time goes by you'll get female comics who are weirder - you'll get a female Mighty Boosh.

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

For me, being a woman suits what I want to talk about and what my audience wants to hear. Maybe I'm a dying breed.

I have a very solo career. I only write with people that I really adore.

I have always had a need for attention but didn't plan to be a comic.

I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.

I don't think I'm successful.

I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.

I've got a hat face. My mother always said I've got a hat face

Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.

I've got this horrible feeling that I'm one of those people who'll always have to flog their guts out to get anywhere.

I still can't set up the ironing-board. A complete Luddite.

Anyone who has dead straight hair wants curls.