If you want to get a pet for your child, I suggest a chicken so that when they get bored of it after a couple of days at least you can have a nice roast dinner.
One thing Christians do have in common is that they can't help coming across as smug.
I don't know if we will ever try again because those sort of things are very hard to organise but yes, I've known Doon for years and John as well but I hadn't met Will before, and he turned out to be a good laugh.
People are so different in reality from the picture created of them on TV. So it's all a creation; everything is made up.
Inside every fat person there's a thin person looking to get out - They've just eaten them.
When you cry, you don't look very attractive; you look snotty and blotchy. People seem to manage to cry quite prettily these days, and to me, that smacks of not being very genuine.
It wasn't a conscious effort to have kids later. It was just the way life goes.
I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully.
Usually, what people in the public eye do is pick two charities and just exclusively work for them. But that means you have to turn people down all the time, so I try and do something for everyone that asks me, at least once.
With proper acting, I don't know what I would play - I got sent a script for a play, and it said in the notes that my proposed character was 'hideously fat and ugly'. That made my day. I mean, I do know I am no oil painting.
Who do I like? I am a big fan of French and Saunders - not that that they are particularly stand-up I have to say, but I think they have been great for women and they are of themselves just incredibly funny whether they are male or female.
For a long time, people assumed I was gay, so when I got married the press were all a bit shocked and made a big deal of it - and ditto when I had children. I felt very much under the microscope with paps outside the house taking pictures of me getting the baby out of the car, it was excruciating. I remember getting her out of the car seat and thinking 'oh God I'm going to drop her and they're going to take a picture'. I was so nervous. Those sorts of things are really hard.
Suffice to say, many women find their first appearance on a comedy panel show to be their last. Second chances seem to be given less often to the female of the species.
They say revenge is a dish best eaten cold, but for most people, by the time it's ready to eat, they just don't fancy it any more.
I buy smoked mackerel in a vain attempt at being healthy. I do actually really like it, and you don't have to cook it, which is handy.
I don't like doing stand-up, because I don't like standing up.
I have such admiration for single mothers. I simply don't comprehend how you'd cope with that intensity, the lack of breaks, ever, on your own.
I never ever take into consideration the consequences of my actions until it's too late.
I remember when Victoria Wood started to come through, and I thought she was great, though she and I are very different in our approach.
I think some people ramp a side of themselves up for performance purposes.
I think the key attributes for a good speaker are someone that's articulate and someone that puts a fair amount of humour into what they do.
I used to get nervous about three weeks before a gig... now I've managed to condense it down to a manageable ten minutes.
I'd love to live in Kent but it's all a question of work.
I'm too nervous to eat before I go onstage, and I'll usually eat out after the performance or when I get home at midnight.
In the end, punk inevitably burned itself out and acted as a bridge across which the New Romantics could sashay in their chiffon and glossy hair.
