Jo Brand Quotes

I have big friends who won't go swimming because they're too embarrassed about it. I feel that's such a shame, because actually people should be encouraging fat people who are exercising to do it, not pointing and laughing.

I took my husband to the hospital yesterday to have 17 stitches out - that'll teach him to buy me a sewing kit for my birthday.

I have a utilitarian approach to dressing; as long as I quite like it and it covers me up, I don't care what it is.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking.

I read that book Fat is a Feminist issue, got a bit desperate halfway through and ate it.

I must be an anorexic because an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person.

I never think, 'Where am I going to be in a year's time?' That seems to be a sure way of missing the fact that you might be quite happy now.

Men are fantastic - as a concept.

The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.

You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please.

When I was a nurse my favourite assignment was the anorexic ward. I sometimes ate as many as seventeen dinners

School was great. There were no boys there, which didn't really bother me at the time because I had two brothers, so I was quite pleased not to spend any more time with boys.

I went on the pill when I was 16, put on four stone... so that proved to be a very effective contraceptive.

Some men are deeply likable but have attitudes I don't like. Does that mean I should completely dismiss them? It's like saying: if someone votes Tory can you like them? And, yes, I can. I have friends who vote Tory, and I'm appalled, but that's not to say they're not great people in so many other ways. We have a tendency to oversimplify things.

I tend to think the world is a bit of a miserable place, so anyone who can add to people's optimistic, cheerful side is doing a good job, which is what I hope I'm doing.

Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?

I have two brothers and we basically spent our lives playing in the woods, falling in ponds, getting chased by wasps and riding donkeys that we shouldn't have been riding.

When I was at school you got an overall general education, on many things, even just basic facts.

When I got married, the Sun ran the headline: "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." Luckily, it was a few days after the wedding - but it was still hideous to read at a great romantic moment.

An overweight guy went to the doctor who advised him to try a keep fit DVD. But the guy said he couldn't be bothered. “Well” suggested the doctor, “try something that leaves you a little short of breath.” So the buy took up smoking.

You don't really see ugly people that are old, or a bit grotty and smelly, in the media. If a Martian came down, they would think we were all tall, thin, attractive and wealthy.

I cannot abide anyone treating another human being like a piece of dirt, whatever the context.

Having done a normal job for 10 years, as a psychiatric nurse dealing with emergencies, I know what terrible, hopeless lives some people have. So in many ways, it's great to be able to wield the financial power that I can, and do gigs, fundraisers or give money. I feel lucky I can help out.

My mum always felt that women deserved as much as men, and should have as much power, so I suppose I opted to go into a very male-dominated arena to try and prove that.