Top 11 Quotes by Keith Waterhouse

I turn over a new leaf every day. But the blots show through.

I turn over a new leaf every day. But the blots show through.

Keith Waterhouse

New Day, Leafs, Shows

Keith Waterhouse (2012). “Keith Waterhouse: Collected Plays”, p.66, Oberon Books

Ninety-five percent of all statistics, including this one, are bogus.

Keith Waterhouse

Statistics, Ninety, Five

I cannot bring myself to vote for a woman who has been voice-trained to speak to me as though my dog has just died.

Keith Waterhouse

Dog, Voice, Vote

"Paperbacks" by Jonathan Heawood, www.theguardian.com. July 8, 2001.

A consultation process is what some authority sets in motion preparatory to doing what it intended all along.

Keith Waterhouse

Authority, Process, Consultation

Never look to politicians to solve your problems, they will only create new ones.

Keith Waterhouse

Looks, Problem, Politician

Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers, Society of, The?

Keith Waterhouse

Should, Known

Keith Waterhouse (1992). “Jeffrey Bernard is unwell ; Mr and Mrs Nobody ; and, Bookends”

Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where I might find the humour section. Peering over her granny glasses, she enquired, "Humour studies would that be, sir?"

Keith Waterhouse

Funny, Humor, Glasses

The Spectator, January 15, 1994.