You always pass failure on the way to success.
I keep going because if you stop, you stop. Why retire? Inspire.
Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars.
Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.
A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short.
Dont retire - inspire...Theres a lot to be done
I don't regret anything I've ever done. I only wish I could have done more.
Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-sentence story: Once upon a time I lived happily ever after.
I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.
Hey kids! Let's put on a show!
Look, I come from vaudeville, I come from burlesque, I come from heartaches, I come from sadness, I come from gladness, I come from work and sweat and respect for the craft.
Now. Now is the most important time of all of your young lives. And what does now stand for - N-O-W? No Other Way. That's the only time - NOW!
Hollywood has unfortunately become a memory. It's nothing but a sign on the side of a hill.
I buy women shoes and they use them to walk away from me.
Life is an infiltration course. We all try and get through it. We all try and get through it unscathed - maybe not hurt, not bruised. No bones broken, maybe a few hearts here and there.
And that's the way I have always lived, for the laughs – today. N-O-W. No Other Way.
I hear Jerry Falwell every Sunday here talking about the devil and Hollywood. . . . I'm gonna write him a letter. Hollywood wasn't built on filth and dirt - it was built on talent.
When I was 19 years old, I was the number one star of the world for two years. When I was 40, nobody wanted me.
On Hollywood turning its back on him: I wasn't in the club. You see, I'm not going to be a stroker. I never have been all my life.
To those seniors, and especially elderly veterans like myself, I want to tell you this: You are not alone, and you having nothing to be ashamed of. If elder abuse happened to me, it can happen to anyone. I want you to know that you deserve better.
When I open a refrigerator door and the light goes on, I want to perform.
Women liked me because I made them laugh.
The audience and I are friends. They allowed me to grow up with them. I've let them down several times. They've let me down several times. But we're all family.
I don't pick the roles. Your agent gets a call for you and you go and they all get together, everybody has fun at the reading, and they say, "There's chemistry here." So that's how it happens.
God bless the universe, God bless Japanese, Chinese, Indians, all of them and let's have peace.
