Richard Armour Quotes

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.

Libraries: Here is where people, one frequently finds, lower their voices, and raise their minds.

That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: It said, 'Goodbye'.

Of late I appear To have reached that stage When people who look old Who are only my age.

Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.

Book burning is a charming old custom, hallowed by antiquity. It has been practiced for centuries by fascists, communists, atheists, school children, rival authors, and tired librarians. Like everything of importance since the invention of the cloak and the shroud, its origins are cloaked in mystery and shrouded in secrecy. Some scholars believe that the first instance of book burning occurred in the Middle Ages, when a monk was trying to illuminate a manuscript. All agree that book burning was almost non-existent during the period when books were made of stone.

Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.

A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.

Shake and shake the catsup bottle none will come and then a lot'll.

If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I've never known, I won't be believed and I'll have no fun, For I'm sure to be playing alone.

There is some consolation in the fact that, even though your dreams don't come true, neither do your nightmares.

Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing, It's always pleasant when you spot it. There's only one unhappy thing: You have to lose to prove that you've got it.

Some people can carry a tune, but they seem to stagger under the load.

I love a finished speaker, I really, truly do I don't mean one who's polished, I just mean one who's through.

When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

The hand is quicker than the eye is, but somewhat slower than the fly is.

Rockefeller made his money in oil, which he discovered at the bottom of wells. Oil was considered crude in those days, but so was Rockefeller. Now both are considered quite refined.

Each year it grows harder to make ends meet - the ends I refer to are hands and feet.

The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.

It is all right to hold a conversation but you should let go of it now and then.

Shakespeare, who never could think up a plot by himself, found this one [Macbeth] in Holinshed's Chronicles, changing it just enough so that no one would recognize the source. He didn't count on the resourcefulness of modern scholars, who have to discover things like this to become associate professors.

If we cannot define stupidity, at least we can trace most human misfortunes and weaknesses to it. Its manifestations are legion, its symptoms are endless.

If you convinced me And I convinced you, Would there not still be Two points of view?

The bride, white of hair, is stooped over her cane Her faltering footsteps need guiding. While down the church aisle, with wan toothless smile, The groom in a wheelchair comes riding. And who is this elderly couple you ask? You'll find, when you've closely explored it, That here is that rare, most conservative pair, Who waited 'til they could afford it.

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.