Steve Aylett Quotes

A hundred percent of marriages end in divorce, disappearance or death.

A sniper is like a genius - it’s not enough to be one, you have to be one at something.

The optimist sees the future as a rabbit sees the oncoming truck - getting bigger, not closer.

In America, fundamentalist Christians believe the world was created 6,000 years ago - in England people drink in bars that are older than that.

What’s life in this nation? Collect emptiness in a household of cornflakes. Transient fuel gobbles attention, the television aches, the truth walks. Scheme worms welcome your corpse, trap clicks and you’re in heaven, bored rigid

Originality irritates so obscurely that people may have to evolve to scratch it.

Scientists used to do an experiment whereby a dog's repeated reward for performing a task was unaccountably replaced by punishment. The dog, knowing it would be penalized for doing well or doing badly, would become melancholic and inactive. This and other unforeseeable results were funded by taxing up to sixty percent of people's earnings. People became strangely melancholic and inactive

Sanity’s a virginity of the mind

Most books are so well written they barely have any effect on the reader's senses

One thing you’ll say for skeletons, they’ll always give you a smile.

Gun stripping is the tea ceremony of America.

In books there's nothing of the fish covered in the coldness of the sea, or the feeling of a star touching space. Bad for business.

From space this Earth is incandescent with abominations - the gods write their signature in our entrails

The best way of getting into something is to think of it as mischief.

Ideas are self-replenishing, like snot

What happens when the hitcher and the driver are equally murderous?

I knew books could see people around them, they ground their tiny teeth, tried to rattle like windows, stories to tell.

Hang up the phone on a vampire, the definition of carefree.

One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of God's existence.

How many times does a man have to shave before his chin gets the message?

He has been positively growing tusks trying to create a breed of human insect which will continue to live on this accursed planet. Everyone needs a goal.

We have truth in order not to die of art.

The law is where reality goes to die.

The great thing about being ignored is that you can speak the truth with impunity.

Satire works in a bunch of specific ways, like a very precisely-geared bomb. It's a bit like something that looks harmless, and you swallow it, but once it's inside you it's too late, and it triggers, blowing up. And it's your specific inner beliefs and faulty arguments that trigger a satire bomb. If your arguments work, the bomb doesn't trigger, it doesn't need to.