Daniel Handler Quotes

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby - awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

the mind has a thousand eyes, and the heart has one:yet the light of a whole life dies when love is done.

I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong.

There are many things in life that become different if you take a long look at them.

Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure.

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!"

The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.

Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.

A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.

They say love's like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this place where the buses are slow and most of the cute ones are gay.

A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes.

Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.

If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.

the table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise.

Sometimes even in most unfortunate of lives there will occur a moment or two of good.

When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.

Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see.

...everyone was right about you- prove them wrong.

It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.

I'm sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on this inside would would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does.

Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course.

Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won't hit you with a shovel.' Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.

I’d ruin any day, all my days, for those long nights with you, and I did.

I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong.