Daniel Handler Quotes - Page 4

My chauffer once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I'm sure you can understand, I didn't feel any better about it.

The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.

Keep anyone with whom you can read in silence.

The book was long, and difficult to read, and Klaus became more and more tired as the night wore on. Occasionally his eyes would close. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over. He found himself reading the same sentence over and over.

This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?

Instead of the word 'love' there was an enormous heart, a symbol sometimes used by people who have trouble figuring out the difference between words and shapes.

The last safe place is safe no more.

Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.

I often can't remember which scenes are and aren't in the final product, because I saw so many different versions of the Lemony Snicket that I forget which ended up on the cutting-room floor.

I’m not a romantic, I’m a half-wit. Only stupid people would think I’m smart. I’m not something anyone should know. I’m a lunatic wandering around for scraps, I’m like every single miserable moron I’ve scorned and pretended I didn’t recognize. I’m all of them, every last ugly thing in a bad last-minute costume. I’m not different, not at all, not different from any other speck of a thing. I’m a blemished blemish, a ruined ruin, a stained wreck so failed I can’t see what I used to be.

It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.

If you have ever had a miserable experience, then you have probably had it said to you that you would feel better in the morning. This, of course, is utter nonsense, because a miserable experience remains a miserable experience even on the loveliest of morning.

Sometimes, even the best of plans will occur to you when it is too late.

and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.

Well-read people are less likely to be evil.

It seemed to me that every adult did something terrible sooner or later. And every child, I thought, sooner or later becomes an adult.

Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will ever know why.

But just suddenly I really, really needed to see you again right that minute, that night.

There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.

He who hesitates is lost

You might be afraid of the dark, but the dark is not afraid of you. That’s why the dark is always close by.

If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it.

I don't know why wicked places generally look wicked. You'd think they'd look nice, to fool people, but they hardly ever do.

Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows, they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.

We are a nation of children letting horrible things happen, and flunking Calc.