I never dated much in high school or college.
It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.
Horrible date all through high school and college. Here's an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!
Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.
It's good to do stand-up. It kind of wakes you up and makes you feel like you're doing something. You got the crowd right there. That's all fun.
Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, "That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible."
When my stepfather died, I just kind of fell apart. I felt pretty vulnerable, like there literally could be no tomorrow.
It's funny because it's funny.
Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.
I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.
I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.
I've got people who like Tommy Boy, but they're getting older and there's a whole new wave of college kids who see that and Joe Dirt, and Just Shoot Me is a little older, so I wanted stuff for everybody.
With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.
Seriously, you don't have to know English. It'd be nice, a nice little plus. We don't want miracles. You don't have to know the country's language. But just some shapes, that's all. A square. A little geometry.
How do you lay low but still do your job? Try to stay out there without being out there like Jenny McCarthy?
Bill Murray I always liked. I'm not as good as him, but there's a quality in him that I like. And then there's DeNiro, I'll never be that.
I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.
To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.
My school of thought is, anything goes, but I can't do that anymore.
I'm still blow drying my hair, just trying to keep doing stuff that's fun.
I'm always making fun of myself and my friends.
To be famous and broke is hard.
Now that I have the opportunities to do a lot, I want to do less.
I wish I had that carefree lifestyle. But I guess I'm more private, and more inside.
Spent most of the summer looking for shade. Driving around. Shade. Please? Driving in malls. I'll park a mile away I don't care. I'm just looking for a tree branch, anything. Long weed. Big leaf, get the front corner panel under it. Oh precious shade, I have it - you don't!
