E. W. Howe Quotes - Page 6

When you can't do anything else to a boy, you can make him wash his face.

Express a mean opinion of yourself occasionally; it will show your friends that you know how to tell the truth.

A women could never be President. A condidate must be over 35, and where are you going to find a woman who will admit she's over 35?

Men are virtuous because women are; women are virtuous from necessity.

Honesty is largely a matter of information, of knowing that dishonesty is a mistake. Principle is not as powerful in keeping people straight as a policeman.

When I get hold of a book I particularly admire, I am so enthusiastic that I loan it to someone who never brings it back.

If you have sense enough to realize why flies gather around a restaurant, you should be able to appreciate why men run for office.

There is no such thing as a convincing argument, although every man thinks he has one.

Put cream and sugar on a fly and it tastes very much like a raspberry.

People never have confidence in a Big Talker. They know his statements must be cut down, but they can never tell how much.

When a man is trying to sell you something, don't imagine he is that polite all the time.

We love the Lord, of course, but we often wonder what He finds in us.

It may be a cold, clammy thing to say, but those that treat friendship the same as any other selfishness seem to get the most out of it.

Don't take up a man's time talking about the smartness of your children; he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his children.

Raising children is like making biscuits: it is as easy to raise a big batch as one, while you have your hands in the dough.

Friends are like a pleasant park where you wish to go; while you may enjoy the flowers, you may not eat them.

I have long been disposed to judge men by their average. If it is reasonably high, I am charitable with faults that look pretty black.

As soon as the people fix one Shame of the World, another turns up.

When a man once gets a start holding office, it is nearly always necessary to finally choke him off.

There is no get-rich-quick scheme equal to a poor girl marrying a rich man.

In thousands of years there has been no advance in public morals, in philosophy, in religion or in politics, but the advance in business has been the greatest miracle the world has ever known.

I declare my belief that it is not your duty to do anything that is not to your own interest. Whenever it is unquestionably your duty to do a thing, then it will benefit you to perform that duty.

A religion that never suffices to govern a man will never suffice to save him; that which does not sufficiently distinguish one from a wicked world will never distinguish him from a perishing world.

American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense.

There must be some good in the cocktail party to account for its immense vogue among otherwise sane people.