E. W. Howe Quotes - Page 4

When I am idle and shiftless, my affairs become confused; when I work, I get results ... not great results, but enough to encourage me.

I express many absurd opinions. But I am not the first man to do it; American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense.

Nearly every lawsuit is an insult to the intelligence of both plaintiff and defendant.

The most agreeable thing in life is worthy accomplishment. It is not possible that the idle tramp is as contented as the farmers along the road who own their own farms, and whose credit is good at the bank in town. When the tramps get together at night, they abuse the farmers, but do not get as much satisfaction out of it as do the farmers who abuse the tramps. The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.

A woman who can't forgive should never have more than a nodding acquaintance with a man.

A conquered foe should be watched.

When a man diets, he eats oatmeal in addition to everything else he usually eats.

The worst feeling in the world is the homesickness that comes over a man occasionally when he is at home.

The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to friendship.

As a man handles his troubles during the day, so he goes to bed at night a General, Captain, or Private.

No man can smile in the face of adversity and mean it.

No man is smart, except by comparison to those who know less

You can't do anything unless you do it yourself. And usually you can't do it yourself very well.

Everyone hates a martyr; it's no wonder martyrs were burned at the stake.

Half the promises people say were never kept, were never made.

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.

Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising.

If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.

The only gambling tip which amounts to anything is to keep out of the game.

No man has all the wisdom in the world; everyone has some.

Many people would be more truthful were it not for their uncontrollable desire to talk.

No scheme pays as well as legitimate business.

Success does not mean happiness: it means an unusual number of industrious enemies.

What is common sense? That which attracts the least opposition that which brings most agreeable and worthy results.

The average man's judgment is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.