John Bradshaw Quotes

It's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are our teachers -- they help us to learn.

Guilt says I've done something wrong; ... shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I've made a mistake; ... shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what did was not good; ... shame says I am no good.

We cannot heal what we cannot feel.

Shame is the root of all addictions.

Our sadness is an energy we discharge in order to heal. …Sadness is painful. We try to avoid it. Actually discharging sadness releases the energy involved in our emotional pain. To hold it in is to freeze the pain within us. The therapeutic slogan is that grieving is the ‘healing feeling.’

We move from the illusion of certainty, to the certainty of illusion

Recovery begins with embracing our pain and taking the risk to share it with others. We do this by joining a group and talking about our pain.

The more we know about how we lost our spontaneous wonder and creativity, the more we can find ways to get them back.

Arrogance is a way for a person to cover up shame. After years of arrogance, the arrogant person is so out of touch, she truly doesn't know who she is. This is one of the greatest tragedies of shame cover-ups: not only does the person hide from others, she also hides from herself.

All these feelings need to be felt. We need to stomp and storm; to sob and cry; to perspire and tremble.

I believe that this neglected, wounded, inner child of the past is the major source of human misery.

To truly be committed to a life of honesty, love and discipline, we must be willing to commit ourselves to reality.

Hell, in my opinion, is never finding your true self and never living your own life or knowing who you are.

I have never met an aggressive person who wasn’t a fearful person.

It is a mark of soulfulness to be present in the here and now. When we are present, we are not fabricating inner movies. We are seeing what is before us.

Children need parents who model self-discipline rather than preach it. They learn from what their parents are actually willing to do; not from what they say they do.

Our beliefs create the kind of world we believe in. We project our feelings, thoughts and attitudes onto the world. I can create a different world by changing my belief about the world. Our inner state creates the outer and not vice versa.

Since the earliest period of our life was preverbal, everything depended on emotional interaction. Without someone to reflect our emotions, we had no way of knowing who we were.

True love heals and affects spiritual growth. If we do not grow because of someone else’s love, it’s generally because it is a counterfeit form of love.

The drivenness in any addiction is about the ruptured self, the belief that one is flawed as a person. The content of the addiction, whether it is alcoholism or work, is an attempt at an intimate relationship. The workaholic with her work or the alcoholic with his booze are having a love affair. Each alters mood to avoid the feeling of loneliness and hurt in the underbelly of shame.

Chronically dysfunctioning families are also delusional. Delusion is sincere denial.

Children are curious and are risk takers. They have lots of courage. They venture out into a world that is immense and dangerous. A child initially trusts life and the processes of life.

Condemning others as bad or sinful is a way to feel righteous. Such a feeling is a powerful mood alteration and can become highly addictive.

The capacity for love that makes dogs such rewarding companions has a flip-side: They find it difficult to cope without us. Since we humans programmed this vulnerability, it's our responsibility to ensure that our dogs do not suffer as a result.

Children are natural Zen masters; their world is brand new in each and every moment.