John Cleese Quotes - Page 4

We all die at the end, but does that nullify everything? Would most people rather say, "I wish I hadn't been born?" Once you're born you'll have to die, now is that funny or sad?

If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.

Why write about the past? Well, there's more of it.

Manuel will show you to your rooms - if you're lucky.

The English contribution to world cuisine: the chip.

Telling people how to be creative is easy - being creative is difficult.

When I was in school, I was beaten every 30 minutes. It never did me any harm except for some psychological mal-adjustments and blurred vision.

I've always found life quite difficult to explain to people or to myself.

Loving your neighbour as much as yourself is practically bloody impossible? You might as well have a commandment that states,'Thou shalt fly'.

Don't let anyone tell you what you ought to like... Some wines that some experts think are absolutely exquisite don't appeal to me at all.

A man will give up almost anything except his suffering.

To be creative you must create a space for yourself where you can be undisturbed... separate from everyday concerns.

The real religion is about the understanding that if we can only still our egos for a few seconds, we might have a chance of experiencing something that is divine in nature. But in order to do that, we have to slice away at our egos and try to get them down to a manageable size, and then still work some practiced light meditation. So real religion is about reducing our egos, whereas all the churches are interested in is egotistical activities, like getting as many members and raising as much money and becoming as important and high-profile and influential as possible.

I can never do better than 'Fawlty Towers,' whatever I do. Now I very much want to teach young talent some rules of the game.

I don't want to have to start being unselfish again. The great thing about being on your own is you do what you damned well like.

In Britain, girls seem to be either bright or attractive. In America, that's not the case. They're both.

The Americans are so much more positive. They are much more in love with success. In Britain, they're a fairly envious bunch, and they love it if you fail.

The Americans are just more enthusiastic and more likely to engage in hyperbole.

I used to desire many, many things, but now I have just one desire, and that's to get rid of all my other desires.

When I was a child and I was upset about something, my mother was not capable of containing that emotion, of letting me be upset but reassuring me, of just being with me in a calming way. She always got in a flap, so I not only had my own baby panics, fears and terrors to deal with, but I had to cope with hers, too. Eventually I taught myself to remain calm when I was panicked, in order not to upset her. In a way, she had managed to put me in charge of her. At 18 months old, I was doing the parenting.

I think it's because in America you always get the sense that if you fail, you can just pack up your things and go somewhere else and try again. But in England, it's so geographically small that if somebody succeeds here, it reduces your chances of succeeding.

I think that I feel an indignation when I don't understand something.

England is a fairly envious little country and it's embodied in the press. They don't like anyone being more distinguished than they are.

We need to be in the open mode when we are pondering a problem, but, once we come up with a solution, we must then switch to the closed mode to implement it.

Either people walk round dressed as chickens or they listen to Beethoven.