Give a man food, and he can eat for a day. Give a man a job, and he can only eat for 30 minutes on break.
In days gone by, a man's word was his bond. Today, fortunately, we have glue.
We have nothing to fear but fear itself. That, and those great big furry spiders.
We having nothing to fear but fear itself. That, and maybe getting mugged by someone wearing a "No Fear" t-shirt.
Whoever said "When in Rome, do as the Romans do", has never driven a car there.
I don't think that movies are too violent. But I do think that popcorn is too expensive, and this can often lead to violence.
Despite rumors to the contrary, a mime is actually a very satisfying thing to waste.
It's true that all men are pigs. The trick is to tame one who knows how to find truffles.
I've spent years trying to "get in touch with my inner child," but now my new therapist tells me it's mostly been inappropriate touching.
My coach once told me "there's no "I" in "team." I responded there's also no "I" in "hackneyed." Then I had to run 12 laps.
