Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.
Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash, you don't understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.' I'm like, 'No one thinks you own Costco.'
The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.
Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'
College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.
I don't see the point of watching men exercise.
If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.
Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.
I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?'
Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.
Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.
Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?
Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?
Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.
The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.
I wish his music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.
Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.
I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.
TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.
Ke$ha IS the walk of shame.
How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life?
Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.
The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.
Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That's the new American dream.
Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?
