James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?
Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.
Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.
Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash, you don't understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.' I'm like, 'No one thinks you own Costco.'
I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.
For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them.
The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.
Often when you are starting out in comedy, you will find that people will laugh at the things you didn't think were funny. It's important to pay attention also to what people are laughing at when you are just talking in regular conversation. Often that is when you are truly being yourself.
Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'
College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.
Lovin this Ghost Ghirls! It was great to get to play a madame not just a boring prostitute.
I don't see the point of watching men exercise.
If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.
Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.
I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?'
All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time.
Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.
Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.
Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?
Pop culture, it's crazy. There's all this violence in video games. In 'Call of Duty,' people are literally just blowing other people up. Hey, let's protect your country from your couch while eating your sandwich.
Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.
Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?
Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.
The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.
It's a human instinct to be known.
