So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."
If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.
I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?
People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.
People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.
I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.
As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.
You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.
Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.
I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.
If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.
For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.
I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.
