Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.
I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."
I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?
You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.
I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
