Authors:

Never steal anything so small that you'll have to go to an unpleasant city jail for it instead of a minimum-security federal tennis prison.

P. J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader”, p.25, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.
Never steal anything so small that you'll have to go to an unpleasant city jail for it instead of a minimum-security federal tennis prison.