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P. J. ORourke Quotes

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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.

Party, Humorous, Government

"Parliament of Whores". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1991.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Inspirational, Funny, Money

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.24, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

Children, Philosophy, Useless

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.22, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Liberalism is just Communism sold by the drink.

Drink, Communism, Liberalism

If we're free to do what we want, why does government always have a plan for us?

Government, Doe, Want

Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

Family, Mom, Mother

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.9, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.

Government, Effort, Sloth

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.36, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The second item in the liberal creed, after self-righteousness, is unaccountability. Liberals have invented whole college majors--psychology, sociology, women's studies--to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. No one is fond of taking responsibility for his actions, but consider how much you'd have to hate free will to come up with a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers. A callous pragmatist might favor abortion and capital punishment. A devout Christian would sanction neither. But it takes years of therapy to arrive at the liberal view.

Christian, Baby, Hate

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.21, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The Three Branches of Government: Money, Television, and Bullshit

Government, Bullshit, Three

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.47, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Most of the people who have grabbed hold of climate change and greenhouse gases, pollution, oil dependency - they have another motive, and their motive is to attain the appearance of virtue without having actually done anything virtuous.

Oil, People, Climate

Source: www.avclub.com

Your money does not cause my poverty. Refusal to believe this is at the bottom of most bad economic thinking.

Believe, Thinking, Doe

P. J. O'Rourke (2011). “Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics”, p.159, Pan Macmillan

Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about.

Littles, Knows

There is only one basic human right: the right to do as you please, without causing others harm. With it comes our only basic human duty: the duty to accept the consequences of our actions.

Liberty, Our Actions, Accepting

Politicians are always interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.

Dog, Freedom, People

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.58, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

I have a 10 year old at home, and she is always saying, 'That's not fair.' When she says that, I say, "Honey, you're cute; that's not fair. Your family is pretty well off; that's not fair. You were born in America; that's not fair. Honey, you had better pray to God that things don't start getting fair for you.

Cute, Home, America

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

Witty, Funny Inspirational, Government

P J O'Rourke (1992). “Parliament of Whores-Open Mark”, Vintage Books USA

A politician who commends himself as 'caring' and 'sensitive' because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to do good with other peoples' money.

Caring, Government, Liberty

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Enemies List”, p.150, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Politics is the art of achieving prestige and power without merit.

Art, Humor, Deep Thought

It remains to be seen which program will cause greater societal damage: China's one-child policy or America's one-parent policy.

Children, America, Parent

The principal feature of American liberalism is sanctimoniousness. By loudly denouncing all bad things — war and hunger and date rape — liberals testify to their own terrific goodness. More important, they promote themselves to membership in a self-selecting elite of those who care deeply about such things.... It's a kind of natural aristocracy, and the wonderful thing about this aristocracy is that you don't have to be brave, smart, strong or even lucky to join it, you just have to be liberal.

Strong, War, Smart

"Give War a Chance". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1992.

We're told cars are wasteful. Wasteful of what? Oil did a lot of good sitting in the ground for millions of years. We're told cars should be replaced with mass transportation. But it's hard to reach the drive-through window at McDonald's from a speeding train. And we're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do you want? Would you rather die of cancer at eighty or typhoid fever at nine?

Horse, Cancer, Mcdonalds

"Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut" by P. J. O'Rourke, (1st edition ed.), New York: Atlantic Monthly Press, 1996.

You can't get good Chinese takeout in China and Cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism.

Chinese, Cuba, Needs

"Give War a Chance". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1992.

Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did that work?

Thinking, Way, Lasts

Collectivism doesn't work because it's based on a faulty economic premise. There is no such thing as a person's "fair share" of wealth. The gross national product is not a pizza that must be carefully divided because if I get too many slices, you have to eat the box. The economy is expandable and, in any practical sense, limitless.

Liberty, Libertarian, Wealth

Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then they get elected and prove it.

Party, Government, Republican

1991 Parliament of Whores.

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