Andy Rooney Quotes - Page 9

Dogs are nicer than people.

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.

Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.

The last birthday that's any good is 23.

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.

If you put on an item of clothing that hurts just because you have an idea it looks better or conforms to what other people are wearing, it's dumb.

You're better off missing a bus or an airplane once in a while than you are getting there too early all the time.

American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.

Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.

I hate to say it, but I had a great time in World War II.

There's nothing people like better than being asked an easy question. For some reason, we're flattered when a stranger asks us where Maple Street is in our hometown and we can tell him.

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.

New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.

I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.

When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, "Things aren't as good as they used to be." But it's hard not to.

I think a draft produces a better Army than the one we would have with all volunteers, because I think you get average Americans if you have a draft. And if it's an all-volunteer Army, you get people who join up because of some problem in their own lives. They don't have anything else to do, they don't have a job, or they can't find what they want to do, so they join the Army. And it doesn't produce the best Army.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

The teacher who knows the most about a subject isn't necessarily the one who can teach it best.

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.

No matter what any of the grammar teachers say, punctuation is an arbitrary matter. It should be used to make sentences clear.

There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting in trouble for it. I've made a list of safe targets and I probably ought to stick to those. Politicians, for instance. You can say anything you want about them, and it doesn't matter how unfair you are. People seem to like it.

I just wish insignificance had more stature.

Everyone hates war, everyone says.