Aziz Ansari Quotes - Page 3

Really good comedians, you know, when they go on stage, they don't really care what the audience - they're fearless, you know? They're so comfortable that they don't care. They don't have that neediness where they need the laughs.

I weirdly do consider myself an optimist about love.

I know my fan base is a smart group of people.

Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.

If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan." And they're really nice people. When you're on the Internet, it's people's first instinct to just go after people.

You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.

I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.

So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you're clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you're super gay now. Is that why the rest of you guys are so aggressively fat and dirty? You think if you read one book and take a shower, dicks are going to just fly into your face.

To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.

When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.

I'm so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with, or work with. That's such a blessing. You actually get to see them all the time and spend time with them.

Any jokes I make I try to make sure it's on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.

You want what you can't have. And if someone's being shitty to you, just move on. If someone's being shitty to you, no matter how great they are, that's shitty, and you don't want be with someone who treats you shitty.

I talk about stuff like my Blackberry, Lost, the internet, music, etc. so I guess that leads to the "nerd" moniker. But I don't get it that much to be honest. I guess its better than being labeled a "racist" comedian.

I've always tried to maintain that I don't have any advice to give. I'm a curious observer.

If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you're feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work.

I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.

As I always have with stand-up or anything, you kind of draw on what you're going through in your life.

Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!

Fiddling knobs, touching keys, having fun with a full grown man.

Even in my stand-up, there's a lot more positivity and enthusiasm rather than negative, I-hate-everything vibes.

If thou canst walk on water, thou art no better than a straw. If thou canst fly in the air, thou art no better than a fly. Conquer thy heart that thou mayest become somebody.

No one's trying to get with jugglers.

Everyone's first thought is "These women are going to take advantage of you" or "Someone's only going to date you because you're famous." That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.

Acting is a plum gig, and then animation is an even more plum gig.