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Bill Maher Quotes about Children

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I don't dislike children, I just don't particularly want to be around with them a lot. Problem is, neither do their parents.

I don't dislike children, I just don't particularly want to be around with them a lot. Problem is, neither do their parents.

Bill Maher
Children, Parent, Want

If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.

Bill Maher
Children, Crazy, Responsibility
"Attacking the Pope". "Real Time With Bill Maher", www.foxnews.com. April 16, 2008.

But I've often said that if I had – I have two dogs – if I had two retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet the dogs, which are pretty much the same thing. What? They're sweet. They're loving. They're kind, but they don't mentally advance at all. Dogs are like retarded children.

Bill Maher
Dog, Sweet, Children

If the bible myth of Jonah in the whale and the Mother Goose myth of Jack and the Beanstalk were switched at birth so that Jack in the Beanstalk were in the bible, do you think any child would notice?

Bill Maher
Mother, Children, Thinking

I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it's your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?

Bill Maher
Brother, Uncles, Children

I'd like to protect children, too, but... is everything worth sacrificing to that? I mean, drugs have done a lot of good... They've midwived a lot of good ideas... lot of great songs, you know? I think "Penny Lane" is worth 10 dead kids... I think Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. There, I said it.

Bill Maher
Song, Children, Mean
"Bill Maher: I'm Swiss". Documentary, Comedy, 2005.

This party is just full of children, and someone needs to leave them in a hot car.

Bill Maher
Children, Party, Car

The Tea Baggers, they're not a movement, they're a cult.... Cults tend to populate from within, encouraging members to have huge broods of children and to give them strange names, like Moonbeam, and Trig.

Bill Maher
Children, Names, Giving

Which is why I'd like to tip off law enforcement to an even larger child-abusing religious cult. Its leader also has a compound, and this guy not only operates outside the bounds of the law, but he used to be a Nazi and he wears funny hats. That's right, the Pope is coming to America this week and ladies, he's single!

Bill Maher
Religious, Children, Law
"Bill Maher: Pope ‘Used to be a Nazi’; Compares Church to Cult, Bear Stearns". www.newsbusters.org. April 14, 2008.

We do it all the time, we legislate taste. We do it with the tax code. Churches and children get a tax break, because it's assumed that we all agree that we want to encourage churches and children. I don't. I don't. That's my opinion. I don't want to encourage either churches or children, and it's a very bad idea to put them together.

Bill Maher
Children, Ideas, Together
"Bill Maher: I'm Swiss". Documentary, Comedy, 2005.

NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new study has shown that half of American high schools agree that newspapers should only be able to publish government-approved material. Almost one out of five said people should not be allowed to voice unpopular opinions..This is the first generation after September 11th, who discovered news during a 'watch what you say' administration...George W. Bush once asked, 'is our children learning.' No, they isn't. A better question would be, 'is our teacher's teaching?

Bill Maher
Teacher, Children, Teaching

I have two dogs. If I had retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet, the dogs are pretty much the same thing.

Bill Maher
Dog, Children, Hero

I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. If you look at it logically, it's something that was drilled into your head when you were a small child. It certainly was drilled into mine at that age. And you really can't be responsible when you are a kid for what adults put into your head.

Bill Maher
Children, Kids, Thinking
"Scarborough Country" with Joe Scarborough, www.nbcnews.com. February 15, 2005.

John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown.

Bill Maher
Children, Thinking, Want

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