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Bill Maher Quotes

All Quotes Abortion Abstinence Age Army Art Atheism Atheist Belief Birth Bullshit Cancer Character Children Chocolate Choices Christ Church Coffee College Comedy Communion Country Culture Debate Democracy Doubt Evil Feelings Fighting Fun Funny Giving Hate Health Care Heaven Hell Home House Human Nature Hurt Internet Jesus Justice Killing Kissing Leaving Lying Magic Mankind Military Moon Office Opportunity Pain Palin Past Police Politics Pope Pot Racism Rage Rain Reading Reality Religion Responsibility Running Sacrifice School Selling Shame Sin Sleep Smoking Sports Stupidity Tea Team Today Violence Virtue Voting Wall War Weed Wife Winning Worry

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

Courage, Stupidity, Coward

"The Left Grapples With Charlie Hebdo" by Bill Scher, www.realclearpolitics.com. January 12, 2015.

Let us not become so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance.

Intolerance, Tolerate

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I Agree'.

Christian, Clicks, Software

Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

Tolerance, Intolerance, Theocracy

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

Gun, Ifs

At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.

Years, Lasts, Institutions

"Bill Maher Enters the No Spin Zone". "The O'Reilly Factor", www.foxnews.com. September 29, 2010.

It's very hard not to be condescending when you're explaining something to an idiot.

Idiot, Condescending, Explaining

"Maher's 'Real Time' Panelists Spar Over Brewer-Obama Altercation, Immigration". www.realclearpolitics.com. January 28, 2012.

In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.

Country, Guilty, Wealthy

We don't really have to make fun of religion - it makes fun of itself.

Fun

Interview with David Steinberg, www.interviewmagazine.com. November 30, 2008.

Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.

Mean, Thinking, Critical

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

Coffee, Book, Thinking

you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!

Husband, Names, People

Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you

Doctors, Ass, Asks

Bill Maher (2011). “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass”, p.98, Penguin

Like it or not, we're still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.

Superstitions, Tribes, Primitive

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Dog, Home, World

If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.

Church, Want, Rich

When I hear from people that religion doesn't hurt anything, I say really? Well besides wars, the crusades, the inquisitions, 9-11, ethnic cleansing, the suppression of women, the suppression of homosexuals, fatwas, honor killings, suicide bombings, arranged marriages to minors, human sacrifice, burning witches, and systematic sex with children, I have a few little quibbles. And I forgot blowing up girl schools in Afghanistan.

Girl, Suicide, Hurt

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

Ideas, People, Political

"Bill Maher: The Decider", 2007.

The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity - mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism - mumbling to the wall, Islam - mumbling to the floor.

Wall, Differences, Islam

I think what's dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.

Thinking, Ideas, Sin

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.

Mistake, Past, Order

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

Funny, Humorous, Boys

If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'

Pain, Medicine, Vampire

FaceBook post by Bill Maher from Jul 27, 2009

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

Funny, Internet, Fats

FaceBook post by Bill Maher from Mar 26, 2010

New rule: If churches don't have to pay taxes, they also can't call the fire department when they catch fire. Sorry reverend, that's one of those services that goes along with paying in. I'll use the fire department I pay for. You can pray for rain.

Sorry, Rain, Fire

"Real Time with Bill Maher", February 17, 2006.

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